Bryan was packing his bags to leave for Wyoming the last week of October. I remember hugging him tight and giving him a kiss goodbye, us both knowing that he was leaving with our marriage not being in the best place. I kept thinking: maybe some time apart would be a good thing. Maybe we just needed to give each other some space. The day he left; I began to do some reflecting. I remember putting my phone down and being determined to do some serious thinking. No Facebook, no Instagram, no Beachbody. Just me and God. I needed to hear his voice so desperately. I needed to slow down. I needed to find a way to slow my life down. Slow my mind down. It was time for some true reflection. I was drowning.
How did we get to this point? I remember asking God and myself. We used to be best friends. I felt like we had drifted so far apart. I had found myself immersed daily in every other relationships I had; pouring all my energy into texts and posts while I couldn’t find a thing to say to Bryan at the dinner table. I was biter at him for past hurts, and I was hurting him daily by pushing our relationship to the side and seeking affirmation from others instead of him. Sounds like something out of a book, doesn’t it? But it was my reality. It was time to face the person in the mirror. It was time to figure out the real problem and fix it. I wanted my best friend back. It was time to get back to basics. But what did that look like?
24 hours into Bryan being gone; I remember I had picked up my phone 100 times out of habit. Every time I would pick it up, I would say to myself “No Nikki, put the phone down”. I would then find something to do with my boys. I was getting so much done at home. The noise was getting softer. The voices in my mind were getting quieter and quieter. 48 hours into putting my phone down, my mind was completely clear. It was like somebody had turned the radio off. I could hear my boys. I could hear God speaking to me so clearly. Instead of scrolling for hours aimlessly, I was picking up my bible and soaking up Gods word. I felt present. Life was slowing down and the only thing that had changed was my ability to put my phone down. To only put my energy into the relationships that were most important. I had to. My life and marriage depended on it. I remember talking to Bryan on the phone that second day and we had the best conversation. It was the beginning of many wonderful and healing conversations while he was gone. This was the beginning of a new chapter for me.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
-Philippians 4:8
I’m not here today to tell you that social media is horrible. Or to say that you are a bad person if you have social media. I still have my Facebook account. It’s not just about social media. I am here today to encourage you to do some reflecting of your own. How much time are you spending on your phone? On your laptop? On your tablet? In front of the television? Are you present with the people around you? If you were to walk into a restaurant tonight, you would find tables full of people that can’t even hold a conversation. Playing on their phones. Scrolling aimlessly. Men looking at pictures of things they desire but will never have. Women looking at pictures of other women or posts that make them feel worse about themselves and destroy their self-esteem. Is that you today? Could you sit and have a meaningful conversation with your spouse to fill your free time? Have we forgotten how to talk to each other? Spend time with each other? Pray together? Let’s be honest with each other. As Christians, are we focusing our thoughts that are honorable? Pure? Worthy of praise? What are we doing with our free time? The enemy is already out to destroy us, our families, and our marriages. Are we self-sabotaging? Are we leaving the door wide open?
As we end this year and start to think about a new year coming; that comes with the job of making some goals for next year. I encourage you to really be honest with yourself today. It’s painful I know. It’s not easy. Change is hard. But change is what I needed. Do you need change today? How can you start investing in the relationships around you? How can you be more intentional? Bryan came home from that trip and we made the decision to no longer allow our phones to fill our free time. No more sitting in front of the television at night for hours; with no conversation. We would treat every single day, like it could be our last day. We would work daily to protect our marriage. To guard our hearts. We read together. We pray together. We cook together. Sometimes we turn on the music and we simply dance together. We sit and talk. We find ways to fill our free time that will bring us closer together and strengthen our relationship with our Holy Father.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
-Romans 12:2
"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."
-(NLT) Proverbs 4:23
I pray that as you read these words today you hear God tugging at your heart strings like he did mine. Let 2024 be a year of new beginnings for you. Use these last few weeks of 2023 to do some reflecting. May our minds and hearts TRULY be renewed. Guard your heart and relationships with people you love. Guard them like your life depends on it. Because it does.
Love in Christ
-Nikki Douglas